i know it
i know it till the very first day you were planing to buy
you know i was not happy.i wasnt happy
i was never interested to go there.i never wanna have a look at it
and i never ever wanted to stay here at all.
you know ive said before, and you wanted to slap me for sayingthat
well, look now. what have i become ?
every person have this feeling like "this is gonna go bad"
and i really did. just look at me now.
eversince we shifted, i was fucking depress. i was never happy at home
that explains why im always not home. i love running away from my problems.
im not strong enough to face it. no one is there to help me anyway.
weve been here got like, 5 months and the times ive tried suicidin was like, 3 times.
how long more i can stay like this...i cannot take it anymore.
you always know whats going onn.why ? "because ive been in your age before"
EVERYTHING HAS CHANGE. don take my generation and yours together,tellng me its the same
its nothing same. people change. everything change.
if its the same, there wont be people facing financial prob,
there wont be news of people killing and everything like now.
things change mom, things really have change.
don blame my friends foranything. blame yourself and me,not my friends.
if you think that stopping me from doing stuffs i like would solve everything,
it wouldnt. im dying more inside.i wanna die. i don wanna suffer cutting myself overover again
i need a mom,who is there for me. not a mom who tries and nothing is changing.
i dont know what im talking
screw everything.
thanks
#124 Nobodys perfect
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Blog post have nothing much about what im gonna brag.
I dont know how to say this. I think im going back into depression, the last thing i want to feel.
I am grateful with what i have now comparing to kids that are less fortunate. but fuck this shit, why the fuck should i compare.. anyways, im really sad... upset.. mad ?
I talk to mom about me going to UK to continue my studies in degree, she agrees with me but we both know very well that i can never afford to go there. I cant get bank loans cause i dont have nothing to prove that i can pay back, i will pay back when i graduate and work, but i have no prove that i will. And there isnt any other ways to get money than the bank. What really upsets me about is that, i cant further my studies in other country and build up from there. We all know that malaysia sucks to the max. Not in cultural or whatever, Its the Design and Art firm. Yess, they talk alot about "malaysia's art" but actually they dont give a fuck about designers. Unlike other countries, that treasure art and design like gold. No, not malaysia. In malaysia, people judge you if you tell them you are doing design. Its already in their mindset, in malaysia. And to them "design" are for fucking losers, fucking stupid people that cannot study so they took up design. But they dont know that art/design comes from talent, not something you can study about. You are born talented which other malaysians dont treasure like others, TALENT. thats why people here will never go far. You can sing ? Well good for you then *walks away*. "You can dance ? Well 'okay' then x.x" the reaction from all these assholes are almost the same. They dont even fucking know any talented people names, Nope not even 1. They look down on you. thinking that they "also" can do design.. "DESIGN IS SO EASY, *PAK PAK* HERE YOU GO, A DESIGN" but it isnt as easy as they think it is. They dont know what we have to go through design, Our burden to make the world much more beautiful place to live in, that everytime you wake up feeling good, because everything you see is beautiful. But no, all these dumbtwit knows nut about it. They also dont realize that design are everywhere. The things they see,use every single fucking day, are all design by designers, your cellphone ? macbook ? your car ? thats industry DESIGN. So why the fuck are you people judging us designers like we're some useless thing ?
I actually have friends that looks down on design, and they started mocking me about it, saying something like Im stupid and stuffs. Yes, it hurt a little, but i know very well that they are blind. So i pity them. i do.
So, design in Malaysia isnt easy. We dont get paid enough for the work we're doing. But lets not talk about other designers, Im here to talk about myself. I realize that I am different from others (in campus) even lecturers says "You are different". Dont get me wrong, i was proud and happy ! But if thats the reason why I cant get good grades or a job, I dont want to be different. Recently, I tried really hard to not be different from others. So as usual, i went around looking at people's work. Trying to make mine similiar to theirs, but in my way. So i wont be different anymore. Its like a phobia, afraid of being different. I named it Diffphobia.
*********. But if you disagree, okay. So my best solution to find where i fit, is by going to UK or any other countries to study and work there. And knowing that I will never have the chance, makes me more scared. Its like i have unknown future. I dont see myself as a designer in malaysia, Not anymore. I already at the edge of giving up. Plus that, I have no supporters at home. Not when my dad is gone. Unlike some friends i know, their family supports them very much in this field. But me? My mom doesnt even fucking calls me if Im not home for 5 days straight. Apatah lagi supporting me. Yeah they praise me and blablabla, But every once in a blue moon. They dont think like "i think chie will like this, since its something about design" NO they dont. I guess its just the way we grow up. Self centered. Not caring for anyone else as we grow older. But when we were younger, mom and dad supports me, boost my confidence even more, sign me up for every competitions, bought me every art materials i want eventhough i have no idea what was it for. Man i wish to go back in time. Makes me feel like im appreciated. I know ive blog many times about how lost i am now. I truly am lost. If i dont do design in the future, i really have no fucking idea what am i gonna do. And im really scared of it. Seeing no future in me.
And here i ly again, feeling so depressed. Crying alone infront of the bright white screen ranting about not important things. Im so depressed I really want to let it go on myself. But then i think again, i dont have money if i end up in a hospital. I have enough burden. My family has enough burden, i dont want to be one of it. But you know how it feels being tempted ? like tempted to eat what youre craving for. And im craving for this pain to go away. I dont want to think about it, i dont want to know, i dont want to feel. No, i dont want hopes.
You might think im crazy, thinking that im some stupid bitch wanting to commit suicide. Fuck you no, i dont want to commit suicide. If youve read a post i blogged about myself before, youll understand why. If not youll never know. What am i doing, or thinking.
Fuck you for judging me.
http://helenasayshi.blogspot.com/2011/01/61-poor.html
1:49 AM
I know this blog is dead. I only update like once in a while.
So this is my first 2012 post ! So, embrace yourself. The annoying-girl-that-brags-about-her-life brag is coming on!
Okay. updates on 2012. Im 19 now, doing year2 semester 4.
This is not a very good year. Ive been so many ups and downs within this 3 months. Am going through alot with school, friends,family, life, etcetc. So yeah.
My grades are getting worst, i dont know why. Not what im expecting for, was really disappointed in myself for doing this bad. I mean i dont have any D's, only C's and B's, but i was expecting for A's, how can i not get an A at something im so good at ? i really dont understand. So my grades brought me down. Besides worrying over my grades, my social life also went down, Ive lost so many friends, i consider them as my childhood friends. We were really close early of this year, until some bitch came along and had to ruin it all. (why cant these jealous bitches get a life? like seriuosly. brainwashing people ? get a life man) Bitching the brains off people. So everyone turned their backs on me. But whatevs, i lived with it. People at the age of 20+ should be mature enough to not fall for bullshits, guess theyre just immature or haven hit puberty. or something.
hmmm. Family also not doing that any good. Especially my mom. I think shes very mentally unstable. Shes doing all kinds of stupid things on the internet which i clearly disapproved about it. But nothing her children says can put some sense into her; especially not with the fucked up attitude of her whatever-i-say-is-right-and-its-right.
And life ? well as usual, sucks. Ive applied like 20 freelance job, but dint get one. Im starting to lose hopes already. Designing line isnt easy, if someone is better than you, thats it, you are nothing. Am really pissed off, getting sick with this line. But with the advice from Mr.Harry, boost my confidence a lil, hopefully his advice DOES help. Hopefully.
Recently, ive been really down. LIKE REALLY DOWN. I just want to be alone for the moment. Breaking down about everything. Till i can hear depression's calling my name. I want to find someone i could talk to, Like REALLY REALLY can talk to, ive never had a friend that i could really tell what im feeling now or whats going on in my empty mind. Ive always been the listener. Listening to people bragging about themselves. I mean, i dont mind, but just dont ask me question "why does this only happens to me" and all, i dont even know WHAT or HOW to answer, im not god mannn c'mon !. Sick of it. Sick of everything.
Hating what im feeling right now. And the shittiest feeling ever is not having someone to tell what im actually feeling now.
#119 Massive.
Monday, April 16, 2012
I know this blog is dead. I only update like once in a while.
So this is my first 2012 post ! So, embrace yourself. The annoying-girl-that-brags-about-her-life brag is coming on!
Okay. updates on 2012. Im 19 now, doing year2 semester 4.
This is not a very good year. Ive been so many ups and downs within this 3 months. Am going through alot with school, friends,family, life, etcetc. So yeah.
My grades are getting worst, i dont know why. Not what im expecting for, was really disappointed in myself for doing this bad. I mean i dont have any D's, only C's and B's, but i was expecting for A's, how can i not get an A at something im so good at ? i really dont understand. So my grades brought me down. Besides worrying over my grades, my social life also went down, Ive lost so many friends, i consider them as my childhood friends. We were really close early of this year, until some bitch came along and had to ruin it all. (why cant these jealous bitches get a life? like seriuosly. brainwashing people ? get a life man) Bitching the brains off people. So everyone turned their backs on me. But whatevs, i lived with it. People at the age of 20+ should be mature enough to not fall for bullshits, guess theyre just immature or haven hit puberty. or something.
hmmm. Family also not doing that any good. Especially my mom. I think shes very mentally unstable. Shes doing all kinds of stupid things on the internet which i clearly disapproved about it. But nothing her children says can put some sense into her; especially not with the fucked up attitude of her whatever-i-say-is-right-and-its-right.
And life ? well as usual, sucks. Ive applied like 20 freelance job, but dint get one. Im starting to lose hopes already. Designing line isnt easy, if someone is better than you, thats it, you are nothing. Am really pissed off, getting sick with this line. But with the advice from Mr.Harry, boost my confidence a lil, hopefully his advice DOES help. Hopefully.
Recently, ive been really down. LIKE REALLY DOWN. I just want to be alone for the moment. Breaking down about everything. Till i can hear depression's calling my name. I want to find someone i could talk to, Like REALLY REALLY can talk to, ive never had a friend that i could really tell what im feeling now or whats going on in my empty mind. Ive always been the listener. Listening to people bragging about themselves. I mean, i dont mind, but just dont ask me question "why does this only happens to me" and all, i dont even know WHAT or HOW to answer, im not god mannn c'mon !. Sick of it. Sick of everything.
Hating what im feeling right now. And the shittiest feeling ever is not having someone to tell what im actually feeling now.
1:04 AM
Okay SPM's results are already out on the 23rd. I feel weird looking at my school mates, its like, One time we're all playing together and dint care what others think and now ? We're all grown up, We've changed alot. I miss my school mates ;( pfft !
#112 Studying
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Okay SPM's results are already out on the 23rd. I feel weird looking at my school mates, its like, One time we're all playing together and dint care what others think and now ? We're all grown up, We've changed alot. I miss my school mates ;( pfft !
So yeah i got my results already tho i wasnt that happy with it. I was expecting more but what the heck ? 5 credits is enough to get me into foundation.. i was so-so la.
I just came back from Sunway University (: Yes im a Sunway student now ! suck that biatch! Studying diploma in Graphic and Multimedia Design. Im so happy ! Orientation is tomorrow and class starts on monday. I cannot wait ! ughh ! Now ive gotta buy new cloths for college hehehe
Well thats all i guess. I have nothings else to update about. hehe
7:33 PM
#108 BORED
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Okay its the 9 march today, Which means........ it means nothing =.=
yeah stuck at home for the entire day with boredom.
I want to go pasar malam later T_T which makes me post up this picture.
Its the Y-U-NO-GUY :D
I dont know much about the creator but this is really smart. I like all them captions ! they're soooo funny ! so i made my own ones too.
HAAHAHAHAHHAHA SO FUNNNY ! this 2 wasn't from me. originally from y-u-no-guy
its only freaking 9 of march. College starts on April which is a long way more to go. And im dying of boredom. Cant wait for Spm results to be release !(what the frick are taking them so long ?!) which brings me to..........
and then...
and also.....
and lastly.......
Finally a decent blog post.
3:59 PM
No wonder why i keep on and off blogging. Cause earlier i had so many things to blog about, but now i have nothing. I hardly blog already. Realize? even if i did, i have nothing else to say. sucks.
#105 Quit?
Monday, March 7, 2011
No wonder why i keep on and off blogging. Cause earlier i had so many things to blog about, but now i have nothing. I hardly blog already. Realize? even if i did, i have nothing else to say. sucks.
Labels: Shits
7:22 PM
So my internet's back! yee-piee! I dont have to suffer the whole day home doing nothing \:
#99 Back again
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
So my internet's back! yee-piee! I dont have to suffer the whole day home doing nothing \:
Im currently watching SMOSH videos (I LOVE SMOSH OKAY I LOVE BOTH OF THEM) www.smosh.com
I love every youtube-ers like Nigahiga, KevJumba, RealanoyyingOrange, and alot more. teehee!
Well im better now. i think. Oh well. I dont know what else to update about. Prolly tomorrow lah ill update with something better.
8:26 PM
Sənə nifrət edirəm Të urrej Es qez atumem Mrzim te Мразя те - Mrazia te Catalan – Et odi 我恨你 Mrzim te Nenávidím tě Jeg hader dig Ik haat je or Ik haat u Ma vihkan sind Hindi kita mhal Minä vihaan sinua Je vous deteste Ódiote Ich hasse Sie Σε μισώ Mujhe tumse nafrat hai Utállak Ég hata þig Aku benci kamu Io ti odio Shiijei-dono! Anta no daikirai! 니가 밉다 (Niga Mipda) Ego contemno vos Es ienīstu tevi Aš tavęs nekenčiu Nobogħdok Mrzim te Jeg hater De من از شما بدم می آید or من از تو بدم میاد or من از تو متنفرم Ie atehe ouye Nienawidze Cie Odeio você, or, Eu te odeio Te urasc Ya tebya nenavizhu Мрзим те Nenávidím ťa Sovražim te Te odio Jag hatar dig Nan unai verukuren Chan Kleard Khun Senden nefret ediyorum Я вас ненавиджу Tôi ghét bạn Casâ “ch
#97 Running back
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Pourquoi est-il si difficile pour moi de vous haïr? Pourquoi gardez-vous de revenir dans mon esprit? Pourquoi ai-je envie de vous voir si mal? pourquoi je vous veux du texte et appelez-moi si mal?
5:00 PM
#96 What?!
You know horrrr...........
yesterday Hock Kooi went Aeon loh..
Then hor....
He saw this guy.....
A very mysterious looking man.....
..He took something to the counter lo........
Then hor, you know what happened ???
Then hor.....
He take out money to pay for the things.....
Then hor....
The counter lady took the money and put everything in a plastic bag loh.....
Then hor........
The mysterious man right.....
You know what he did ?!
He take his things and went off...
what the fuck mannnnn??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!
Labels: Shits
4:25 PM
My internet line is down, my mom dint paid the bill yet ): so i cant online until...until she pays the bill lah. Im alone at Botanic Cafe updating my blog and checking facebook now teeeheee!
#95 Down down down!
Monday, February 21, 2011
My internet line is down, my mom dint paid the bill yet ): so i cant online until...until she pays the bill lah. Im alone at Botanic Cafe updating my blog and checking facebook now teeeheee!
Okay recently, im in a very bad mood. i get pissed easily and when i meant easily, i mean reallyyyy easily. I dont know why ): but it sucks.
As i was going true yesterday newspaper, i read something about my horoscope (capricorn) and it was really true. I forgotten whats the whole passage but it said something like "Dont force your loved ones to do something because of what you're going true" So i think about it, "what was i forcing?" out of a snap, i remembered, i was trying to avoid someone and at the same time its also somehow like im forcing him to stay away from me(by avoiding him). Gahh im so much of crap !
So anyway, day 1 of ignoring him ? FAILED. but what the heck lah.
I got a set of house keys to my friends house(not naming it,dangerous! later you guys come stalk me xD) So now i have 2 houses :P thats my second house! (suck that bitches)
Im so bored i want to die D:
Tho i may look happy on the outside, Im really sad in the inside. I hate going back home where ill be alone and then ill start thinking of many bull craps and go emo. I am so sad.. So im sharing this song now.
*********Bonuses :
I hate the mornings
Cause I know what they bring
You get up and take a shower in no time, your leaving
And it sounds so selfish
But i can’t help but think
That if you knew how much i needed you
You’d stay cause
I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much
I hate love yeahhyeahhh
I hate love yeahh woooo
I hate your phone calls
In the middle of the day
Cause all you do is remind that my baby is so far away
It drives me crazy
Cause i need you with me
I know its time for you to understand when i say that
I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much
I hate love yeahhyeahhh
I don’t want to feel this alone
Everytime you walked out that door (I can’t help it)
I start missing you (I can’t help it no)
Wish I didn’t need you this much (I can’t help it)
But i love how it feels when we touch
I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much
I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much
I hate love
I hate love
I hate love
Cause I know what they bring
You get up and take a shower in no time, your leaving
And it sounds so selfish
But i can’t help but think
That if you knew how much i needed you
You’d stay cause
I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much
I hate love yeahhyeahhh
I hate love yeahh woooo
I hate your phone calls
In the middle of the day
Cause all you do is remind that my baby is so far away
It drives me crazy
Cause i need you with me
I know its time for you to understand when i say that
I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much
I hate love yeahhyeahhh
I don’t want to feel this alone
Everytime you walked out that door (I can’t help it)
I start missing you (I can’t help it no)
Wish I didn’t need you this much (I can’t help it)
But i love how it feels when we touch
I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much
I hate goodbyes
I hate these tears in my eyes
I hate myself for the way i feel about you everytime
I’ve had enough
I’m sick of wishing he was around me every day, every night
its way too much
I hate love
I hate love
I hate love
**********************************
I really hate these tears in my eyes.
3:27 PM
Hello blogders! Its wednesday today and my sea-monkeys are growing ♥ I dont have a picture to show you guys as you can see, i dont put pictures(im lazy)
#92 Going crazy
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Hello blogders! Its wednesday today and my sea-monkeys are growing ♥ I dont have a picture to show you guys as you can see, i dont put pictures(im lazy)
Just want to share a song of how i feel now. No biggy. Im just bored doing nothing teehee !
************Bonuses :
Day after day
Time pass away
And I just can´t get you off my mind
Nobody knows ... I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can´t find
The courage to show ...
To letting you know ...
I´ve never felt so much love before
And once again I´m thinking about
Taking the easy way out ...
But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be
Holding you close to me
Will I ever see
You smiling back at me
How will I know?
If I let you go ...
Night after night
I hear myself sayin´
Why can´t this feeling just fade away?
There´s no one like you ...
You speak to my heart...
It´s such a shame we´re worlds apart ...
I´m too shy to ask ...
I´m too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I´m thinking aboutTaking the easy way out ...
********
Srsly, Why cant this feeling just fade away ?
1:59 PM
I had a fun week, really. Especially yesterday, went to Chai's place then got lost somewhere in Damansara then to PJ for dinner at KHUNTHAI (thai restaurant) with Gerry, Kooi, Tzu, Khoon, 9Phang with his gf and friend, Kengkit with his gf and bro, Aby.
And also thank you for coming to my place that day ! teehee.
Well, CNY is coming to an end(so fast ]: ) I like going to friends house and lepak. mehh..
My sea-monkeys have grown bigger :D You can actually see it already. Well only can see one tiny dot moving around the tank haha Im so happy !
Today is Valentines day. Yeahhh Valentines day are for losers yo. And im saying that because i dont have someone for Valentines.
Happy Valentines Day to all happy couples (: have fun!
Okay i dont know what else to blog about already. Just updating it for fun.
Btw, I got my P license already :P
#90 Valentines
Monday, February 14, 2011
I had a fun week, really. Especially yesterday, went to Chai's place then got lost somewhere in Damansara then to PJ for dinner at KHUNTHAI (thai restaurant) with Gerry, Kooi, Tzu, Khoon, 9Phang with his gf and friend, Kengkit with his gf and bro, Aby.
And also thank you for coming to my place that day ! teehee.
Well, CNY is coming to an end(so fast ]: ) I like going to friends house and lepak. mehh..
My sea-monkeys have grown bigger :D You can actually see it already. Well only can see one tiny dot moving around the tank haha Im so happy !
Today is Valentines day. Yeahhh Valentines day are for losers yo. And im saying that because i dont have someone for Valentines.
Happy Valentines Day to all happy couples (: have fun!
Okay i dont know what else to blog about already. Just updating it for fun.
Btw, I got my P license already :P
5:32 PM
Gahhh i cant stop coughing ! might cough my lungs out anytime soon man! and flu ohmygod i hate getting a flu! might blow my intestines all out! i hate being sick pfftt.
#87 Sea monkeys
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I just came back from MBO and pasarmalam. Watched a cantonese movie, Alls well Ends well 2011. I rate it mmm.. 5 out of 10 sea monkeys (: Its a must for me to watch this movie cause i watched it every year ! there's Alls well Ends well 2009 and 2010 too(last year one is much funnier) Louis Khoo so lengzai can ?
I want to get zi sea-monkeys! They're so cool! I wanted to get them when i was a kid but my Mom doesnt allow me to have these creature at home cause afraid might lure mosquitoes in to breed and i WAS a kid, god knows what a kid will do. If you dont know whats a sea-monkey, well...sucks to be you.
This is the full set and i think it cost prolly almost rm50. Its not selling in stores like ToysRus or Jusco etcetc anymore(since ages ago man). But lucky me, Ive found them seamonkeys. Way cheaper ones which is only rm18 with a empty tank and purifier,food,sea monkey eggs. Still hesitating to get it or not cause it only last for 2 years(or lesser if they die) and the food is expensive and i have no where to put it at home. gahhh!
Labels: Daily, Events, Random, Shits
8:44 PM
Before i go to sleep i always listen to piano covers until i fall asleep. Every single night. Sound of piano makes me feel so relax ♥
So i fall asleep at last and the last time i checked my phone was 3.35am, approximately 4++ i fell asleep. Then someone woke me up at 5 =.=
Yeo came back to Msia (: its nice seeing him again (my somehow bestfriend) He's the bastard that woke me up at freaking 5am to go have breakfast with him cause he just came back not long ago and i did go with him, drove around until 6 cause most Bahkutteh isnt open and he was like.. "why malaysian so lazy one?".. and me "er i dont know, maybe because ITS FREAKING 6AM IN THE MORNING WHO THE HECK WAKES UP AT THIS TIME FOR BAHKUTTEH ONE"
chai chai i dont answer unknown number earlier ):
So at the end we had bahkutteh in Teluk Pulai last corner. They dam on one lah, asked for a small bowl of mushroom they took a bigggg bowl and pour it in and i was like WTFMANNN?! its like almost a can of mushroom, fucking the scary. Am never gonna order extra mushroom anymore. Eat until i dai D; Yeo's treat. Went back at 7 and then i went to sleep back haha i feel fucking fat right nowxzcsdaczxc
#84 5am
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Before i go to sleep i always listen to piano covers until i fall asleep. Every single night. Sound of piano makes me feel so relax ♥
So i fall asleep at last and the last time i checked my phone was 3.35am, approximately 4++ i fell asleep. Then someone woke me up at 5 =.=
Yeo came back to Msia (: its nice seeing him again (my somehow bestfriend) He's the bastard that woke me up at freaking 5am to go have breakfast with him cause he just came back not long ago and i did go with him, drove around until 6 cause most Bahkutteh isnt open and he was like.. "why malaysian so lazy one?".. and me "er i dont know, maybe because ITS FREAKING 6AM IN THE MORNING WHO THE HECK WAKES UP AT THIS TIME FOR BAHKUTTEH ONE"
chai chai i dont answer unknown number earlier ):
So at the end we had bahkutteh in Teluk Pulai last corner. They dam on one lah, asked for a small bowl of mushroom they took a bigggg bowl and pour it in and i was like WTFMANNN?! its like almost a can of mushroom, fucking the scary. Am never gonna order extra mushroom anymore. Eat until i dai D; Yeo's treat. Went back at 7 and then i went to sleep back haha i feel fucking fat right nowxzcsdaczxc
Imma stop blogging. Its CNY eve! gotta clean the house (: family dinner tonight. yippiee!
2:15 PM
So ive passed my driving test already (atlast!) cant wait for my license :D
Ive watched The Green Hornet and i rate it.... 6 out of 10 lighters. It wasnt that bad la, eventhough i dont understand what the fuck Jay Chou is saying all the time. hm
Idont know what to talk about i want to die byebye
#83 Winner
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
So ive passed my driving test already (atlast!) cant wait for my license :D
Ive watched The Green Hornet and i rate it.... 6 out of 10 lighters. It wasnt that bad la, eventhough i dont understand what the fuck Jay Chou is saying all the time. hm
Idont know what to talk about i want to die byebye
8:43 PM
Gahhhh! Im putting on alot of weight! screw this shitzzz! Ive been home every single fricking day and i kept eating until we ran out of food supply!(Over exaggerating) and CNY is around the corner! GOTTA STOP EATING FROM NOW AND EXERCISE!
#82 Cny!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Gahhhh! Im putting on alot of weight! screw this shitzzz! Ive been home every single fricking day and i kept eating until we ran out of food supply!(Over exaggerating) and CNY is around the corner! GOTTA STOP EATING FROM NOW AND EXERCISE!
oh man who am i kidding.. Me? Exercise? bshhh in my next life maybe i will.
I am not done with shopping new cloths for this new year and probably wont be ): sad right i know.
Oh well, I dont have to get new cloths, just have to look good (:
I only watched HIMYM till season 6 ep10. I guess the rest isnt out on air yet. adehhh cannot wait you know !
yaadaayaadaaa. I wan to go treat myself with a icecream so i will feel better.(wtf right i know) Im just to bored. teehee!
Ive done a Vlog. Completely random but im not gonna post it up :P Shyyyy laa hehe.
Maybe next time when i feel like it.
Bye suckaz!
7:13 PM
Okay i might be a little different from others. Im into songs with no words but only beats and booms. Techno,Electro,House,Trance etcetc you name it.
#81 Boomboom
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Okay i might be a little different from others. Im into songs with no words but only beats and booms. Techno,Electro,House,Trance etcetc you name it.
1:43 PM
Who do you splash out when there's something you had to say it out cause its eating you inside ?
#79 Behind
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Who do you splash out when there's something you had to say it out cause its eating you inside ?
I wish i have friends like in the show HIMYM.(i know, im crazy over HIMYM okay)
DELETED DELETED DELETED hmm..i dont know where im going with this topic. Blog about it next time.
anyway, i had fun talking to (not naming) again like before after for so long. Kinda feel like before(nice feeling). Should do that more often XD
time to hit the sack. Driving class tomorrow boo-hoo. Goodnight blogders!
2:02 AM
Man i need to get a job! i feel so dam lifeless staying at home the wholeweek day gahhhh! and im almost done with HIMYM season 6. Dont know what to do next
i only like the part 2:28 dam nice the beat. hehe
#78 Bored
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Man i need to get a job! i feel so dam lifeless staying at home the whole
So my driving exam is on the coming Monday. wish me luck ! xx.
Oh oh ! i thought of starting a Vlog ! HAHAHHAA people said im gonna fail. pfft. Just you wait and seeeee !
Bonus of today :
i only like the part 2:28 dam nice the beat. hehe
8:07 PM
Ahhhh! 2 more episodes till season 6 of HIMYM ! i cant wait! I spent this whole week staying home and HIMYM marathon!
#77 Accent
Friday, January 21, 2011
Ahhhh! 2 more episodes till season 6 of HIMYM ! i cant wait! I spent this whole week staying home and HIMYM marathon!
Eh have you tried watching a show non stop for the entire week ? or maybe just hang out with a foreigner the whole day. realize or not that you start to talk different? like how the show youve watch does. Starts living a life like the show, attitude and everything starts to change like the show. realize,no ? I remembered once, it was CNY. I hanged around my cousin's place for the whole day. Ive met new people(somewhat my so-called-cousin far related) They're from England but they are chinese. Their friends came to Malaysia too at that time so we gambled the whole day. They taught us alot of things and so did we. So anyway, they talk english with slang and they were slanging with us the whole day. Tho we dont quite understand at first cause it was too deep but we got the hang of it. bla bla bla bla bla, at the end of the day, i also talked with slang(i dont know how) and so were my siblings. We were all slanging together(its funny thinking back) for a few days. So my point is, i have no point. Im just randomly crapping hahahaha
I love HIMYM and im really wishing to live like them. Have friends like them, have our favourite bar to hang out at, celebrate holidays together, have humour like them too, and everything/one there are soooo open minded. Damn i love that place! I love that life ! but then again, that will never happen. Its just a wish,; a dream. Maybe when im older lah or something then i want to migrate there. New york!
Im probably crapping now to you. Well, i am. I watch too much shows already.
GTG NOW.
11:21 PM
I found this. It was a very long time ago.hmm
#73 The past
Monday, January 17, 2011
I found this. It was a very long time ago.hmm
SUNDAY, MAY 10, 2009
i got a F in life. oh wow.
i dont know.
i keep to many things in my heart and i never share it with anyone
that should explaine how many scars are there on my hand.
i was too hurt till i had nobody to pour it too, but myself..
say it, you know it.
i know it too. im stupid, im dumb,im everything in this world thats makes a lving hell
but i had no choice,i cant think right. infact, i never think at all.
im a failure as a child,im a failure as a student,im a failure in everything.
im a failure in LIFE.
what am i suppose to do now ? should i just end my life or not.
ill definately will end life.i dont wanna suffer through this pain anymore.
it just hurt, always crying myself to sleep.
i dont know what else to say.
all i know is i can say that im sorry,if im not forgiven,just bloody take my life away.
i tried whatever i can. but i never succeded.
theres no one helping me at all.no one giving me confidence to go.
all i ever did was, good. i failed.
and whenever that happns, everyone thinks im happy with it or whatsoever
but,im not. i feel......myself.
i tried hard but....is there anyone there ?
you know who am i,what am i
but never a person is helpng me. even there is, they give up easy
how can i stand even longer ? your not in my shoe.
i understand how people feel, but nobody ever did to me.
i dont know what else more to say.
im freakingly hurt mentally. physically aint obvious.
OMG I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKING.i should just choke and die laughing at myself.
i need someone to be there. someone who i really trust.
i never trusted anyone at all. i only trust myself and thats how myself is now.
im going tru depressions and also suicidal and i look happy outside.
thinking why life is so unfair. life never is.
don take me to god cause i don believe in him\her.
i just wan life to be back like before. when i had a happy life,i never go tru depressions
but, i guess thats not gonna happen.is it ?
i had enough of this shit.
ohwell goodbye.
i keep to many things in my heart and i never share it with anyone
that should explaine how many scars are there on my hand.
i was too hurt till i had nobody to pour it too, but myself..
say it, you know it.
i know it too. im stupid, im dumb,im everything in this world thats makes a lving hell
but i had no choice,i cant think right. infact, i never think at all.
im a failure as a child,im a failure as a student,im a failure in everything.
im a failure in LIFE.
what am i suppose to do now ? should i just end my life or not.
ill definately will end life.i dont wanna suffer through this pain anymore.
it just hurt, always crying myself to sleep.
i dont know what else to say.
all i know is i can say that im sorry,if im not forgiven,just bloody take my life away.
i tried whatever i can. but i never succeded.
theres no one helping me at all.no one giving me confidence to go.
all i ever did was, good. i failed.
and whenever that happns, everyone thinks im happy with it or whatsoever
but,im not. i feel......myself.
i tried hard but....is there anyone there ?
you know who am i,what am i
but never a person is helpng me. even there is, they give up easy
how can i stand even longer ? your not in my shoe.
i understand how people feel, but nobody ever did to me.
i dont know what else more to say.
im freakingly hurt mentally. physically aint obvious.
OMG I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKING.i should just choke and die laughing at myself.
i need someone to be there. someone who i really trust.
i never trusted anyone at all. i only trust myself and thats how myself is now.
im going tru depressions and also suicidal and i look happy outside.
thinking why life is so unfair. life never is.
don take me to god cause i don believe in him\her.
i just wan life to be back like before. when i had a happy life,i never go tru depressions
but, i guess thats not gonna happen.is it ?
i had enough of this shit.
ohwell goodbye.
8:59 PM
