#118 Lost
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Its weird. Ive been dreaming to be a famous graphic designer eversince i was 12. People always praised me, saying im really good at it. And people always come looking for me to give my opinions, choose what is suitable for them, designing for them. My highschool friends used to pay me just to draw their names on a paper. And many admires my works. My dad is always proud of me, cause he knows i have potential in this, im not gonna be lost when i grow up cause he knows designing is my future. I agree. C;mon man, ive waited for 6 years to leave school so i can further my studies in design. Its only me and my dad who looks into art really deep, he share stuffs with me,give me advices, he passes me all his college tools, all just for me. We relate in a way, this way. When we go to an art museum, we look at arts together and share our thoughts together of a painting. And he always show me all his artist,carpenters work, and bring them home for me. All the books and everything he can get. We share the same interest :) My mom used to boost around about me, until now. I was embarassed, yet i was happy cause i make her proud too. But no we dint connect like how me and my dad did. But they both were really proud of me, when i show them all my works from college. Especially my dad. i like seeing him smile :) eventhough he was really ill at that moment. That was the best feeling ever, to see him smile. I regreted once, for not coming back home when he asked me too, its not because he wants me to take care of him when my siblings are around at home. Its because he really loves me and he wanted me to be there for him. But i was stupid enough to not know that until my aunt tells me.
Recently, im starting to lose interest in designing and art. I mean who am i kidding right? Its arts and design, i was born to do this ! but then, it isnt anymore. Im getting sick of designing, sick of all this. I wanna quit so badly, i dont have the courage to do it anymore. All of this. And the reason is because ive lost my inspiration, my idol, my dad. Eversince he's gone, i felt like i have no reasons to continue it anymore. I really do feel very lost now. I miss my dad so so much.
He always helped me out. He even wanted to introduce me to his designing team, his friends who works in big big company with big big pay. We both know my future is really bright. But he's gone now, i dont know what to do anymore.
Talking about all these, it reminds me that i promised to draw a potrait of my dad, and play a song for him on the guitar(self taught) How i wish he was still here ): to do what ive promised. To tell me what to do, lead me to the right path again . I wish he was still here so i could show him my coll mag :3 how one my work is featured in it, and its 1 out of the 3 biggest in it hehehe. he would be sooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud i could imagine him smiling and all.
But its all over. All i have now is him in my heart, him in my memories and his stone on the praying table. But that isnt enough. And its killing me inside.
I felt so useless because i wasnt home when he left us. I feel so sorry and theres nothing that can cure how i feel now. Eventhough i have tons of friends, but still...nothing can cure me...This is the reason why i like being alone at times. So nobody would see the tears and pain im going through. That everything is okay...
Dont tell me to just get over with it, this is life or whatever shit. You have no idea what me and my dad have. And theres no right for you to judge me or 'ah this is life' ok? just fuck off if you're planning to say that. i dont need your shits..
And recently, im breaking down even more. Many problems coming up and i dont know what to do.
What will ?
11:20 PM
#98 Issues ?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
12:52 AM
I just came back from Blitz, i had fun alot! so did my brother (: I felt kind of offended listening to my friends saying im a bad sister for letting my bro shisha-ing. I mean, its not like my fault right, He always wanted to try shisha long time ago. Shisha is no big deal lah, even if i dint brought him out today he would be at the same place,same spot,same time with his friends instead. Okay, maybe it is my fault for teaching him but i trust him. I trust him that he wont touch so much of this smoking shit, i trust that he'll never pick up a cigg and get addicted to it, i trust that he knows what he's doing. And com'on, the feeling of having a younger brother is different, thats why i allow him to do what he wants as long he knows what he is doing. I love my brother;period.
#94 After today
Sunday, February 20, 2011
~~~
So i lit up my last sky lantern of the year. With my wishes on it and i hope it comes true. No, i wont tell what i was wishing for or else it wouldnt come true. But one of it is to leave my present behind and go ahead with my future, which is leaving my feelings behind, what i had for someone. So starting today onwards 20 February, "You" are my yesterday. Ill try to avoid everything from you, I will not ever text nor call you, I'll take you as "the kid who stays next door", Ill ignore everything. And i hope you understand. I know somewhere inside of you, it hurts but it hurts me more. And lastly, I am sorry.
I can be there for you but i cant anymore
i want to be there for you but i wont anymore.
I hate what im feeling inside.
Liked i said, Its eating me inside and alive.sorry.
I need to be fix. Help anyone ?
4:43 AM
Its the 15th day in the chinese calendar which is also known as Chap Goh Mei. Im not really sure what it means but i know its the time of year where we write our phone numbers on a fruit(???idkw) and throw them into the sea so someone would pick it up(i think) and also a day where we light up flying lanterns too (:
#93 15th
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Hou leng hor ?
I cant wait to go Port Klang later, to light up flying lantern and watch them fly up really high.(HELL NO IM NOT WRITING MY NUMBER ON AN ORANGE AND THROW IT TO THE SEA) teehheee!
I somehow feel so relief now. You know how much i was hoping for some people to read my blog so theyll know how'd i feel right ? Well i think some people did. Cause every now and then, they bring up random topics, lets say about me love. Out of nowhere "ya ya ya like you liking me but not telling nor wanting me to know right?" and blahblahblah then i had to change the topic again just to cover up. Ughh. But want to know something? This feeling is still there.
*********Bonuses:
No bonus today.
Gahhh im messed up!
7:46 PM
Yesterday started with a fine morning. Waking up at 11 and then to AC and Meeples with Aby, HockKooi and CK. I had fun there the whole noon. Even when i was home i had nothing in mind, I feel so calm, so relaxed. I was in peace...
#89 Bleeding
Friday, February 11, 2011
Yesterday started with a fine morning. Waking up at 11 and then to AC and Meeples with Aby, HockKooi and CK. I had fun there the whole noon. Even when i was home i had nothing in mind, I feel so calm, so relaxed. I was in peace...
..Until he came..
Everything was normal between us both until we were alone in the room talking. Acting like everything is fine, no weird awkward moments. I was controlling the game. Laughing at stupid random topics. Then out of nowhere, I thought i heard wrongly of him telling me something, thought it was all in my mind that somehow i was day dreaming, lost somewhere in space. He called out my name and says it again, and then i snapped out of everything. It was like, i forgot how to breathe at that moment. Controlling myself not to tear out, no weird reaction. I looked at him and smiled, as if i was happy for him. Looking at him looking back at me with a smile, i feel like i got stabbed with a knife in the heart. He's in love with someone but he wasnt clear with the answers from that someone,not rejected cause theres still hope. He kept telling me non stop, how crazy he was ever since he fell for that someone. But i played along, i helped him how to woo that girl, tease him at the same time as well. I was trying to cover.
Everytime i look at him, looking at his "im in love with someone" face, listening to him mentioning her name after every end of the sentences. Every one move, one word from him, Its another knife stabbing in me. One by one..by one..
And starts from now on, he's gonna text/call/find me just because he's much heartbroken.
Ive been stabbed with a thousand knives, how many more do you want to stab me with ?
In that one night, It feels like i got stabbed with a thousand knives in the heart. each and every one of it slowly stabbing in deep till i bleed
You are inlove with somebody that might love you back, I am inlove with someone who loves somebody else and never having the courage to tell him.. You're more in pain ? or I am? since my someone is you.
Labels: Love
3:55 PM
So not seeing him for a week straight, ive forgotten about him. But after seeing him yesterday, everything's...awkward. I dont want to talk to him neither do i want to notice his presents.
#76 Legendary
Thursday, January 20, 2011
So not seeing him for a week straight, ive forgotten about him. But after seeing him yesterday, everything's...awkward. I dont want to talk to him neither do i want to notice his presents.
Ive promised ill blog about something in the post #69. Something about losing your love ones.
Okay, I may look strong outside but honestly, Im not in the inside. I shatter easily.
Everytime i wake up from a bad dream(post #69), it makes me think "what if that really happens? How am i going to face it?" I mean, losing my love ones is...either the Oxford dictionary dont have a word to describe this feeling. Seeing my parents and my grandma condition worries me alot, like ALOT. They could go anytime soon, but i put that aside and act as if everything is gonna be okay. I mean like, whats the worst that can happen right ? (im an ass) I tried to change, tried to appreciate them everyday; I do appreciate, i just dont show it. Explicitly, i dont know how to show my love to my love ones and i dont know why. Like today when my mom and dad left to Malacca for this funeral(ill talk about it later), my sis hugged my mom and said blablabla while i just stare and turn away. I dint have the guts to suddenly hug my mom for no reasons. I think, what they think of me; Im the worst daughter ever, i suck up to them when i need cash and forgets them after giving me and every other stuffs that i want. But honestly, no im not a suck up. I really do love my parents, I treasure them alot, i just dont show them how i feel inside. Even like the time when i was in depression, my mom had a talk with me, open up to me, told me how she felt inside and we both started crying. She tried so hard to be there for me but failed cause i dint tell whats inside my heart or why was i in depression(like a gazillion times). Im just not into telling people how i feel. Maybe cause that was how i grew up, not being close nor open to my family. Especially when im turning to a teen, my family isnt a family till now i dont really know whats a family and home. And all i have are my friends to run to, run away from my problem. This is another reason why i treasure friendship alot. hmm
and worst comes to worst, i have this bad habit. "Until it happens, thats when ill only learn my lesson", in another words, Ill only start regretting after what had happen when i could avoid it to happen.
I wish to change, throw this bad att away.humm~
And the funeral my mom and dad attended in Malacca today, was my dad's good old friend. He had high blood pressure and a stroke. Died in coma. really sad.
R.I.P Uncle Loh!
ohwell, this is life. One minute your alive and living your life, and the next minute you know life is not forever and its time to go.
goodnight blogders.
11:11 AM
Okay, it isnt easy as i thought i would be. He bought me a fairieswheel(dont know whether i spelled it right or not), a musical one. He said "If at night you cant sleep, just spin it on and listen to it. Then you'll be able to sleep*in hokkien*". My goddd.... he's so sweet can ?
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control....
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go...
#64 Falling asleep
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Okay, it isnt easy as i thought i would be. He bought me a fairieswheel(dont know whether i spelled it right or not), a musical one. He said "If at night you cant sleep, just spin it on and listen to it. Then you'll be able to sleep*in hokkien*". My goddd.... he's so sweet can ?
This is what meant he kept coming back. I avoided as much as i could but still ? sigh. I dint wanted to accept it but he bought earlier ago, i dint want to open it but my ass-sister go open and showed it to me. Now everytime when i look at it, ill be thinking of him. Even worst, i cant stop thinking now.
I want to hate him so much =.= All my excuses isnt working. gah!
Linkin Park, waiting for the end to come :
Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control....
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go...
Labels: Love
2:24 AM
I am poor. My family is poor. My mom cant find a job because they want a higher cert, my dad had nose cancer and it spread to his back therefore he cannot work anymore. I have 2 younger siblings who are still in highschool and an elder sis who is working. Tho we live in a big house, but inside, we have nothing.
#61 Poor
Saturday, January 8, 2011
I am poor. My family is poor. My mom cant find a job because they want a higher cert, my dad had nose cancer and it spread to his back therefore he cannot work anymore. I have 2 younger siblings who are still in highschool and an elder sis who is working. Tho we live in a big house, but inside, we have nothing.
I used to live in an average life. I spend all i want without worrying. My cloths are not cheap, i must buy a new school bag every year tho the old ones are still in good condition, eventhough i still have something somewhere but i dint care about it and go get a brand new one,i must have everything new. No, im not a spoil kid, i control my spendings, i dont suck up to my parents for the latest gadget like handphones and everything(until today my most expensive phone is only rm200, my 5800xm i earn it myself). My nickname was *orang kaya* in school, i spend rm200 on school canteen day to earn money for the school, i give stufs to my friends that they cant afford to buy one and alot of taking out money for something. I dint have to care about anything.
Then everything went bad, its like im in a nightmare and i cant wake up from it. Eversince we shifted to the house im staying now, Everything from good went bad. My mom is jobless, my dad is sick, my grandma is also sick. We had no income. We have no money. Its hard living like this all in a sudden. Now everytime when i want to buy something, i have to think twice and look for the cheapest around town but in the end i dont buy it cause i couldnt afford one. Everytime when i go out with friends, my pocket is always empty so i dont spend, even when i had too spend i would borrow money from friends and pay them back when i have the money. My mom usually gives me money whenever i go out, but now its like "where are you going?...oh ok" and then walks away. I am sad, very. Sometimes at home dont have anything to eat, i had to starve myself and die. Whats the saddest thing most is that, after we shifted my dad and grandma was really ill, both had cancer and still fighting now. Boii i was very down and upset hearing those news. Our family isnt as happy as we are like before, We dont do things together anymore, No chinese drama at night or having dinner together, No having a family day going out together, everything no more. I cut myself 2 times after shifted,thats why i have scars. I couldnt bare the pain i was going through. And i kept thinking, what if we never shifted at the first place? non of this will happen, we'll be living like before where theres super loud laughters. Am i happy ? No im not happy.
You know how the feeling of going home ? *infront of the gate*"ahhhh home sweet home", thats the feeling. But me ? No i dont see any home, i see it as a place for me to sleep only. Home is no where. Thats why i am so depressed at times, why i always go out with my friends and come back late night, im trying to run away from my problems. Im not a person who share stuffs with friends so i could feel relief, im a person who puts on a fake smile and act as if everything is okay, but its not okay, never. Im not okay.
I have always dream of going to TOA and come out as a designer but my dreams died cause i couldnt afford. Knowing that i couldnt get anything killed my hopes. I dont feel like doing anything now and i blame this house. I am sad.
I have always hated myself. I had no confidence to anything; no self-esteem no nothing. I hated me. I am fear of rejection thats why i always hide myself. I dont plan to fall in love with anyone but i guess i failed. Im in love with someone now but he doesnt, I had to stop everything im doing with him even talking to him. I deleted his number and messages so i could move on but he kept coming back to me. Its fucking hard and you know how it feels like when you're inlove. I am rejected.
I blame everything on this fucking house im staying at now. Every single fucking thing. I hate this house im living in. Because of this house, im living in my own shadow. I couldnt let go. I have never told anyone about this therefore im blogging it right it so id feel better writing it somewhere. Nobody knows what i feel and think inside. Until today, when someone talks to me about this, i cant stop crying and never will. I cried myself to sleep every night hoping to wake up from this shit-mare. But i guess i couldnt, its reality. I am in reality !
I dint cut myself for guys or anyone,i dont want anybody's attention and when smeone ask me about the scars i have, i lie to them. The reasons why i cut myself so many times ? I feel so hurt, by feeling hurt i hurt myself to let go. I dint let it go on something else but myself because i cant bare the pain. The pain that i had to hurt myself. You may think im crazy but no, im not crazy. I just want my previous life back,take back everything. Im am in pain.
Im not happy,
Im not okay,
I am sad,
I am rejected,
I am in PAIN.
It hurts so much.
the Offspring : Dont waste your whole life trying, to get back what was taken away.
3:44 AM
#60 Hardest words.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
What I got to do to make you love me?
What I got to do to make you care?
What do I do when lightning strikes me?
And I wake to find that you’re not there?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why the heck do i keep thinking of him ? and whenever i forget about him, he'll comes up texting or calling me. Its like, im not suppose to forget him at all and im going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life D: WHY WHY WHY ?!
Why do i get this awkward feeling whenever you're around ?
Why do i get envy of the other girls when you're around ?
Why is it you who's always heard me whenever i shout really loud instead of the others ?
Why is it you im always alone with ?
Why is it you i want whenever im alone ?
Why is it you i want whenever im alone ?
Why is it easy for you to say "i love you" to anyone even when you dont ?
Why did i fall for your "i love you" when i know you dont mean it ?
I want you to read my blog so badly so you would know why i dint want to play along anymore,why i dint want to talk much with you; why im treating you cold.
Its because im falling for you, thats why.
but wth, what if you've read my blog ? you wouldnt understand what was i trying to say anyway since your english suck big time asklfaslkfnasgknsdc.
Why am i so fragile ?
Im feeling so depressed! argh! i want to get drunk and cry all my sorrows out so i wont have this pain inside of me.
I hate chinese eds. the only reasons i can find a way to forget about you, cause you speak chinese and i dont.
YYW,IHATEYOU.
Labels: Love
12:02 AM
Happy New Year ! Hope 2011 dont suck at all (:
#59 Welcome 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year ! Hope 2011 dont suck at all (:
I had fun counting down the end of 2010 at KlangParade there, goooodddd Kp is upgrading ! not that lala now, not bad not bad!
So yeahh, Live fireworks with super loud crowd. We were drinking Dewars&Chivas, i really had fun especially seeing vinkong's friend drunk aha so cute one his patern all !
Okay i want to talk about something else. About this guy ive been mentioning all about in my previous post. Im trying to not get close to him anymore, i dont want to play around with him anymore, making him my yesterday. I dont know how is this gonna work cause i see him almost everyday so its gonna be harddd. I hate it when he comes close to me, makes me lose my mind, lose control! And then not aware of my behaviour. hehzz. And also knowing about something whenever im not around breaks me down. sucks to have this feeling.
So anyway, Goodbye 2010 ! Leaving you with my sorrows.
10:41 PM
Im so addicted to this song Stereo Love by Edward Maya ft. Vika. The beat is nice, and so is the lyrics (for me lah). Im getting emo and depressed easily these days, dont know why.
#58 Stereo love
Monday, December 27, 2010
Im so addicted to this song Stereo Love by Edward Maya ft. Vika. The beat is nice, and so is the lyrics (for me lah). Im getting emo and depressed easily these days, dont know why.
Okay maybe i know a reason why \: Theres this someone im starting to like more,he's sooo sweet to me(kenot tahan!). Tho we're playing boyfriend&girlfriend around,Im starting to fall for him at the same time. I tried to keep cool whenever he's around, acted like i dont really care about him and ignore him as much especially when he kept saying "i love you" or "i miss you" but whenever he's not around ? i want him to be there. This is weird. But whatever lah :C
Im currently looking for a job, an office job or anything but promoter,sales girl etcetc. gahhh ! so hard !
I drove manual today :D after a year not driving. Im loving manual! Whenever i change to another gear, it feels like im playing Daytona without drifting HAHAH
oh! i dyed my hair color=Ash Brown. But this ashbrown its more to brown instead of green and i want more green ! i still love my hair color :D
Dont know what to talk about already. til then, toodles !
10:55 PM
This is a reply to someone after reading one of his post.
#55 Meow.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
This is a reply to someone after reading one of his post.
You made up stories so i could hate you? 3 words for you.
YOU
HAVE
FAILED.
Yes you are stupid. You dont look like the craziest teenage ever, you ARE the craziest teenage ive ever known.
Knowing that you actually made up stories makes me feel so stupid right now cause i believed in you. What the heck were you trying to do ?
anyway, i dint actually liked another guy. I forced myself because of a no-reply-love and doing that makes things for me easier. Im sorry for the sudden news but honestly, you dont know the stories behind it and i never planned to tell you cause..you know lah im a shy girl..so im still gonna keep that a secret.
At the same time being with another guy, i had not forgotten you nor hated you, I had been thinking and missing you too and it felt so wrong with the position im in. That feeling made everything uneasy for me but hey, you left me hanging and that hurts alot.
If you have stalked my blog, im sure you went through a song lyric i posted. It was for you, if you realize its actually a little hope there.
Honestly, ive stalked your blog/fb sometime this year because i have not forgotten everything and its weird because whenever i do that, this weirddd feeling comes up and i dont know what it is and never try knowing it. I tried to talk to you again but always fail. Dont ask why.
No i dont hate you right now, not ever. But if you still want to avoid me then go ahead, im not gonna stop you. Just for you to know, Ill be here if you need me. always no matter what.
If its possible, can we forget the past ? cause it was really messed up and i regretted for what ive done. Id like to start over again.
to be frank, yes IMYt. :)
Labels: Love
9:22 PM
I promised to myself that ill never fall in love again cause after loving someone its very hard for me to forget someone tho i had a rebounder like last year. Nor will i get emo for no reasons. I kept it. I was strong and tough that no one could break through my wall, honestly. Emo was far away that i dint even know "emo" existed. I was still standing for few months. Yes i did have a few crushes, saying this guy that guy so cute then i would think about him, but i dint fall for them. It was just a small crush that i could forget it the next morning and keep the distance. I was really proud of myself....until...
#51 The hardest part of ending is starting again.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
I promised to myself that ill never fall in love again cause after loving someone its very hard for me to forget someone tho i had a rebounder like last year. Nor will i get emo for no reasons. I kept it. I was strong and tough that no one could break through my wall, honestly. Emo was far away that i dint even know "emo" existed. I was still standing for few months. Yes i did have a few crushes, saying this guy that guy so cute then i would think about him, but i dint fall for them. It was just a small crush that i could forget it the next morning and keep the distance. I was really proud of myself....until...
DELETED
DELETED
DELETED
And i thought i was that strong....
this is how i feel now..
9:05 PM
You know how much it hurts to forget someone so hard and in a snap, they came into your mind out of no where which sucks cause we'll start reminiscing back time. What hurts the most is not knowing why its over...We dint leave each other because there isnt any love there. The Love there was Strong.
This is why its dam fucking hard to move on.
I just saw MTV worldstage 2010 on Mtv and Bunkface was awesome. They make me proud ;) They made Malaysia proud. I used to loveeeeee Bunkface. I go crazy over them and their songs..WOW man....WOWWWW
But eversince ...(the above).. i hated everything i loved. And loving it back scares me cause it has so many memories in/with it. If you dont know what im saying then nvm. For example, you use to like a song so much but now you dont dare listening to it cause you'll break down cause the lyrics of that song has alot meaning to you about someone else. paham x ni ? LOL
yeah thats what im facing now.
btw, im gonna get a job for $$ :D AND NOBODY CAN FUCKING STOP ME. i dont fucking care what im having this year. If you really care, you will. so please Fuck Off thank you.
I have a phobia. shhh
#48 Imy
Sunday, August 22, 2010
You know how much it hurts to forget someone so hard and in a snap, they came into your mind out of no where which sucks cause we'll start reminiscing back time. What hurts the most is not knowing why its over...We dint leave each other because there isnt any love there. The Love there was Strong.
This is why its dam fucking hard to move on.
I just saw MTV worldstage 2010 on Mtv and Bunkface was awesome. They make me proud ;) They made Malaysia proud. I used to loveeeeee Bunkface. I go crazy over them and their songs..WOW man....WOWWWW
But eversince ...(the above).. i hated everything i loved. And loving it back scares me cause it has so many memories in/with it. If you dont know what im saying then nvm. For example, you use to like a song so much but now you dont dare listening to it cause you'll break down cause the lyrics of that song has alot meaning to you about someone else. paham x ni ? LOL
yeah thats what im facing now.
btw, im gonna get a job for $$ :D AND NOBODY CAN FUCKING STOP ME. i dont fucking care what im having this year. If you really care, you will. so please Fuck Off thank you.
I have a phobia. shhh
Labels: Love
4:51 PM
Everyone has their own fucked up days and itll never end till the day you die.
#40 WAFAK
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Everyone has their own fucked up days and itll never end till the day you die.
Im currently in an emotional breakdown now. Going emo every night before i go to bed, cry myself to sleep. and im tired of it. I HATE BEING A GIRL LA
Anyway, lotsa shits happening around the world. well me ? i felt like ive lost my both bestfriends.
losing 1 is bad enough but now both. i dont know who to run to now whenever i need a girl talk. fuck the world man.
honestly, i dont knw what to blog about. im just typing out whatever comes in my mind first.
oh i had a dream the other day. which was super weird and it made me cried. i dreamt of him. and another him. Does this means im not over him yet ? i alwaysssss think of him, i stalk him lotsa times and numbers kept coming into my head. specificly, his phone number always came out of no where in my mind. which sucks. i cant believe i still remember. im so sad i want to die.
***done***
I cant decide. to work or not next week. well, its a promoting job. for 20 days. after school. but im having exam and i feel so lazy. wtf man
and im having a cs comp in Autumn also at the same tme. dont know what to pick la...
see, this is how mess up i am now. fuckkkk the worldddddd
Labels: Love
4:28 PM
Another winter day has come and gone away.
i think i like him. but his not always in my mind. Whenever i see him, ill go..."haaaaaaaaaa~ ^_^"
cause his sooo cute (to me). maybe i do think of him SOMETIMES. i want to talk to him but im so shy.. i always give hints to him to call/text me but i think he dint notice it was for him. adehhh.
so sad so sadddddddd. i go emo so easily.. like now..making me stress
fuckkkk i need a cigg now..
#39 O_O
Monday, July 5, 2010
Another winter day has come and gone away.
i think i like him. but his not always in my mind. Whenever i see him, ill go..."haaaaaaaaaa~ ^_^"
cause his sooo cute (to me). maybe i do think of him SOMETIMES. i want to talk to him but im so shy.. i always give hints to him to call/text me but i think he dint notice it was for him. adehhh.
so sad so sadddddddd. i go emo so easily.. like now..making me stress
fuckkkk i need a cigg now..
Labels: Love
8:54 PM
#37 Hey Helena are you doing okay ?
Thursday, July 1, 2010
trying to hold her tears,
trying to calm her fears.
so afraid to close her eyes,
"i am hurt"; her heart cries.
Labels: Life, Love, Random, Shits
5:12 PM
Why do i feel like crying when i listen to songs that reminds me of you ?
Why do i always think back the time when we're together ?
Why must i always look at you atleast once every 2-3 days ?
Why do i still talk about you ?
Why do i feel like punching other girls who talk to you ?
Why do i get jealous ?
Honestly speaking, i still do think of you. i dont know why.. Thinking back, you gave me strenght to do everything. Going agaisnt you was fun to me. I love to prove you wrong cause your always right. And i hated you being right all the time which make me love you even more.
Why do i still think of you ?
I guess i just proved you wrong again.
"Youll get over with it and move on. You must move on!"
Eh , its 1 month + already and im still stuck here.
i tried. But "you" is still in me which makes everything harder.
#20 D?
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Why do i feel like crying when i listen to songs that reminds me of you ?Why do i always think back the time when we're together ?
Why must i always look at you atleast once every 2-3 days ?
Why do i still talk about you ?
Why do i feel like punching other girls who talk to you ?
Why do i get jealous ?
Honestly speaking, i still do think of you. i dont know why.. Thinking back, you gave me strenght to do everything. Going agaisnt you was fun to me. I love to prove you wrong cause your always right. And i hated you being right all the time which make me love you even more.
Why do i still think of you ?
I guess i just proved you wrong again.
"Youll get over with it and move on. You must move on!"
Eh , its 1 month + already and im still stuck here.
i tried. But "you" is still in me which makes everything harder.
Labels: Love
4:43 PM
ape macam ? hah. "Nothing can come inbetween and break us up"
#11 Sisters in Crime !
Thursday, March 4, 2010
ape macam ? hah. "Nothing can come inbetween and break us up"
11:33 PM
Hey my grandma, i love you so much. i may sound and act like i dint wanted you here. but i really do. i dont know how to show my love for you cause im fucking paranoid at the same time with things you do. im trying to say i love you but i just dont know the right words nor way to say it. im sorry and i really do love you. i want you to read this post so badly.
btw, my grandma still here. i just want to post this up cause i want to express how i feel.
#03 ILY
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Hey my grandma, i love you so much. i may sound and act like i dint wanted you here. but i really do. i dont know how to show my love for you cause im fucking paranoid at the same time with things you do. im trying to say i love you but i just dont know the right words nor way to say it. im sorry and i really do love you. i want you to read this post so badly.
btw, my grandma still here. i just want to post this up cause i want to express how i feel.
1:50 AM
