So recently, ive been helping out to design stuffs for this charity event. Kept me really busy till i literally had no time to finish up my assignments. I was doing really fine when my semester starts, keeping it simple and easy. I had no problems with my design ideas and lecturers and i thought i might have a good semester. But guess what? i was wrong. It started off nice but as days past by, im going back into depression mode. LAST PLACE I WANT TO BE AT. Im 19 now, old enough to know all the stories and truths of my dad's life. So yeah, ive been listening to stories from my relatives. Old stories of what happened last time, made my life today. How my mom became a pain in the ass, how my dad had a terrible accident that cost someone's life. How much better it would be if my dad was still around. Nahhh im still not over the fact that ive lost my dad. I jsut try to forget it everyday, come home and run to my room and lock myself in. Its my daily routine now. or just run out to find friends.
what i feel now and then is fucked up. I couldnt think straight. infact, i couldnt think at all. There was jsut so many things going in my mind that made me not pay attention in classes or when someone's ranting to my about their problems. Couldnt think of what i was diong and whether its right. Suffering much. and it sucks cause its affecting my assignments. So sick of it.
Im trying to score all As this semester and i had the confidence too. until now. fucking hate how life throws itself back to me. I cant take a break cause nothing will ever ease my mind. Ive tried going to places to have a cuppa alone, looking at the work of mother nature, catching the latest movies, hanging with friends. nahh it dint help much, cant Not feel. Also, theres something else going on, that fucks my mind even more. Im trying to forget it now but sadly i cant. Been trying for days but fucking mind messing with me. All these shits mixes up and gives me this shit feeling. depress depress.

Anyways, Im really tired now so im jsut going to stop ranting about my stupid life. haih goodnight.