Yesterday, Went to KTZ after a long time,. Going there brings back old memories. The last time I went there was with my family. My dad always bring us there to have desert. But yesterday was the first time going with my friends, feels very different. Since my dad is gone. Was a little disappointed with KTZ because their standard dropped alot. The deserts arent as good as before. Especially their peanut paste. It was diluted ! Its never like that ! very disappointed ):

Anyways, Im here to brag of what i feel, What im going through. I feel very upset/lost. Losing all hopes and confidence. Makes me give up on designing. Ughh. Im so pissed ! Ive applied like 50 jobs already yet i dint get one. Very, very upset. I dont understand why my friends can find but I cant.
Why must I be different from people? Im always the different one in class. My way of thinking/designing is all different. I dont know if its bad or good but i hate it. Im always getting compare to my friends work, and I dont understand why. My grades are like shit, and i dont know why.. But the others? Im no where near them. Very disappointing. I feel very lost now, in designing line. Wish my dad was still around, to help me. I had a bright future when he's around, but now he's gone, I dont know what to do. My dad can help me out alot, he knows alot of people in designing line, earning big time. And he's suppost to help me get into big companies. My future was bright, i had no worries. But now? Its all gone. And i only have myself for my own future.

I dont know how to feel now. All my hopes are gone. Im at the edge of giving up. I dont see any future on designing. Not when my dad is gone.
Dont know what to do now..